Well I had a good run

I like the tar heels am done. I had a good run of regular life. I enjoyed two weeks of vacation and two weeks of outpatient medicine.

Tomorrow I am officially back to the grind. The next 11 weeks have one open weekend, plenty of 80 hour weeks, 3 weeks of night float and a mix of oncology patients and liver patients.. which if you aren't in medicine means..complex and even more complex.

So basically. This is my last post......

jk


Today I must write about my shopping high. I am not sure if this is healthy. I knew exactly what I needed today before this hard stretch. I needed church. And I needed Tjmaxx. And luckily this kind girl at church put me onto the best tj maxx ever!

I rented my zip car. Called my homie Emerson. It was on and popping.

I think I went to the best tj maxx of my life today. A shopper's dream. There was so much color. So many bargains. I was literally giddy and overwhelmed at first and had to regroup and focus. I knew that with no car... I wouldn't be back for awhile.


Anyway.. On a serious note. I always like to set a few goals for a long stretch on the wards.
This will be my last 3 months as an intern. Praise God! It's time to wisen up and sharpen my skills.
My goals... get as much rest as i can, preserve myself while appropriately giving to my patients (I can over do it) and continue to pray that God guides my career. Make it clear to me where I'm supposed to be going. I need to focus. Also get right for the summer time. 3 months. a few lbs. I got this! dating...no words... lets just say I cancelled a date on Saturday. Best decision I've made in weeks.

Enjoy my pics from Shoppers Delight.

Hopefully a post will be coming soon from Louisville Kentucky this weekend. an epic reunion is in store. stay tuned.

Let the madness begin.  And it is WAYYYY past my bedtime..

Song of the Day: This goes out to you.. you .. youuuuuu

Philly is growing on me...

Nature meets man made structures. 

It is so funny how life happens.

My last two years in North Carolina I spent most of my free time complaining about how fast I needed to get out of NC. It was all I could think about. Somehow I figured that everything that was not perfect in my life would miraculously get better in a new city. Subsequently I learned that moving is actually TOUGH and too my surprise I really missed it when I left. Moving is also not nearly as glamorous as I thought it would be. I was initially going for that Carrie in Philly vibe ;) ..

The good news is... Philly is growing on me :) The first few months it was new and daunting. Then I went through a phase of "I miss NC"  but now I am in a comfortable phase. I like it. I enjoy the restaurants  the bars, the museums, the people and I especially love my runs in the city.

I probably shouldn't run at night... but the lights of the city are especially pretty at night.

My iphone, running shoes and I get around. I often stop running and just take in the moments.


Sometimes you just need to stop... enjoy the quiet moments.

my favorite street to run down. Benjamin Franklin.

the top of the museum steps

I love the view of the city from university city

One of my favorite spots to stop for a scenic break

Sometimes I avoid looking in the direction of the hospital.. seriously it's like that.. but today it was pretty.. I had to give in.

Enjoy a Quiet Moment To Yourself. 

Song of the Day

Am I leaning in? Or leaning back?

Yes. The blog is back. I know. I'm on that every 6 month hustle. In the hospitals we call it interning :) i've been busy.. :) But I've missed yall!  And yes I love philly much more than I did 6 months ago.  A few good friends.. and a few horrendous dating experiences go along way :)

Anyway......


Stillness apparently in the life of an intern is a rare thing. I recently learned that after complaining for 6 months that I needed time off....I did not know what to do with my vacation!!! I felt bored without my job... and also felt bored with aspects of my personal life. Although I was bored.. I was wayyyyy too tired to do anything about it. I was however NOT too tired to shop :) When bored I kept reminding myself of night float shifts, 80+ hour work weeks and balancing the position of inferiority and superiority which essentially is what being an intern is all about.

During this time of stillness I thought about the question that Sheryl Sandberg has brought up in her latest book. Lean In.  Am I leaning whole heatedly into my career? or am i ALREADY leaning back??
I already ask myself these questions and answer accordingly Well......Do I want to be a cardiologist?? I want a family one day. Do I want to to be a primary care physician?? I want to be able to work part time. Do I want to be in the specialty where I have to be assertive all day? Or will this take away from the role of loving wife and mother that I hope to one day enjoy. What will be more important for me in the hospital..things getting done the correct way or folks around me "liking" me?  Or can I just be the loving, nurturing side of myself in the outpatient setting and have my own practice with a staff that I can control and hire people that I like :)...

And you know what is funny is that I answer many of these questions based on the family that I DO NOT HAVE!!!   SOOO then I ask myself... Am i already leaning back?? Is it fatigue. I have essentially been on this doctor hustle since.. forever. Is it fear?? fear of my potential. fear of being seen as the angry black woman..
But then what is faith right?? Faith is believing in what you cannot see. And I'm believing that while I cannot see this husband and kid right now that it is already done for me. right? hmmm.

Basically the answer is I do nott have an answer to why I'm already trying to lean back or maybe I'm about to really lean in!! i was just resting up.  All I know is like my boy Abraham.. He had no clue where he was going.. and just went. that's what i need. a little less israelite circling in the wilderness.. and a little more just obey and go.

Well friends. I'm back :)  With more questions and experiences from philly.  I think I have REALLY missed writing my thoughts out on the blog.

for my career girls out there. What's the deal. Are you falling back? Or leaning in ??

Hebrews 11:8. By faith abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Since I've been away SOOO Long. A few pics ;) 
Yeah 26 going on 27 is still fly #Preservingthesexy 

New years brunch with the hometown crew :) had that new hair color though :0

Christmas day :)

My sister from another mother. Love u chels!

My philly partner in crime. Dr. Janelle in the bulding

brunchin it. 

The best dates I've had since i've been to philly. Kev and Mark  they take care of me ;)

the philly crew minus janelle.... MIA?