call

8:30 am The day started out hectic. One of those.. I should have arrived 10 minutes earlier type of days.

4pm: The afternoon started with a VIP patient whose family didn't want anything to do with me. Not surprising. It's not the first time. Care gets bumped up the food chain. (see previous post)

8pm: The night continued with the awkward feeling of... Am I really a resident.. And how do I teach an intern when I was just one. shrug.. .here it goes...

3:30am: let me lay my head down. Call door closes. "Bleep Bleep" (text page: ED admit) Darn.

4:30am: Well atleast the admit is super nice and cute.

5am: foggy. I hope everyone has labs... Cause if they don't.. its too late.

6am: rude call from phleb.... After I sent a friendly text. SMH.

630am: Unit clerk, Bri why are your eyes so red. Oh honey she says....  My thought (I hope I don't see anyone cute today ;)  )  and yeah I let a few folks call me Bri :)

7am: Day team is coming in.. Updates, this is what I got. "oh you would've done what? Oh... " :/

8:30am: rounding. Of course we start with VIP.

11:30am.. still rounding

1:00PM  Last patient says... "you come back here. ME: Yes mam. Patient: You know I'm proud of you. Me: You are? Patient: You know why? Cause you look like me :) as she squeezes my cheek. " 

At the end of the day there are always subtly reminders why I do this. 

Lord keep my compassion fresh and passion pure while I deal with the craziness of this job and remember that my people need me. Simply because I look like them. In a country where that is enough to offer comfort before I even open my mouth I hope I continue to walk with confidence, humility and integrity. 

Black in Medicine

http://www.npr.org/2013/05/01/178442772/for-a-black-doctor-building-trust-by-slowing-down?sc=17&f


Last week I was venting to my friend... These nurses keep looking at me funny and they keep asking who I am ?? I clearly have on a name tag and a white coat.
I often have to introduce myself VERY clearly to let people know who I am. HELLO I AM YOUR DOCTOR. NO NOT THE CLEAN UP PERSON, NO NOT RESPIRATORY THERAPY, NO I DONT HAVE YOUR FOOD TRAY....

It is often very frustrating. It is truly a daily battle. If I'm nice I'm still handed attitude, when I'm stern then I'm accused of having an attitude. My decision making capabilities are often questioned and nurses frequently ask my senior the same question after they have spoken to me. I can tell when certain patients are uncomfortable and I have to tread with extra confidence to make them more comfortable.. or when a humble approach will make them more comfortable and trusting.

I say all this to say... I often think these experiences are in my head and that this couldn't really be the daily burden that I deal with. I talk to my friend who is also in medicine... And we say.. .maybe its just our hospital. This article reminded me that it's not just me. The job is hard and being black and doing the job is even harder.

The key take away point is how do I deal with this experience. For now I will do my best to spread love and cheer. Turn bitterness from heart. I will check someone if they REALLY act crazy. Try and remember I'm here for the patients.

AND at the end of the day.... Just knowing I'm not alone in these challenges is enough to help me keep pushing on.


JAM OF THE NIGHT
I would play versace versace versace.. I'm feeling slightly hood.. ;0
I will refrain.

Sooo Fanatasia Kinda did her thing on these two songs.

jam for the weekend

Well... I'm working this weekend.

I will have better updates soon. For now.. .let me share my latest jam.
This is my ish :) Fantasia did her thing on this one. I'm feeling this one.

Have a good weekend!

First night as a resident

The feelings are new. The added level of responsibility. The sounds of a quiet hospital at night.
You hear every buzz and alarm knowing that it's just you, the 30 patients you're covering and a bunch of well intention-ed nurses.

The things I didn't expect my first night alone... When you're alone you think a few seconds longer, consultants are still extremely rude especially the younger the fellow.. floor managers and coordinators are still out to be against residents at every turn, decision and thought.

The great thing about being overnight is the little high you get in the morning when you've made it through the night un-bruised and ego intact. I have many many nights to go and I'm sure many more lessons are in store but I am definitely happy to have survived the first overnight call in one piece


More stories to come.... :)


This just came on my radio  :)  Old School. Gotta Love it.

All the single ladies :)

This goes out to you. Good Read!

http://www.essence.com/2013/07/30/write-or-die-chick-prayer-my-single-friends