THE YEAR OF THE 25: The Brotherly Love Edition: March 2012

Apparently...Low Expectations are the Best Expectations

Hey Friends!

I haven't blogged about anything fun in awhile. Recently its been mushy, emotional and reflective. SOOOO whats on my mind today. Dating in 2012. yes yes yes. My rant about how pitiful dating is for a young twenty something is back.

Where do I start.. Recently due to medical school winding down and my recent news that I am moving has surprisingly made life more interesting. But no worries.. just when I get excited for a few dates.. I get disappointed.

Problem #1: Text Messages. I cannot say enough how much I hate text messages. Yes yes I know.. this is the time we live in. I think personally if you want to ask someone on a date.. you should step up and give them a call. I really do not get it. Texting back and forth takes forever.. you cannot get an idea for someone's mood, level of enthusiasm and it just takes too long. I used to have a no text policy.. but clearly that would equal no dates until i'm 60 and men can no longer see the key pad. http://theyearofthe25.blogspot.com/2011/12/real-men-dont-text.html

Problem #2: Have a plan. I quickly get turned off when I have to come up with the ideas for the date. Especially the first date. COME ON... Then I try to help these guys out... I come up with a few things.. and then when I say I'm out of ideas.. they have none. Yeah. I'm done. I mean all these places to eat in Durham.. Atleast if you do not have a plan.. be clear. "I'll do whatever you want to do. Pick you up at 7."

Problem #3: Why is a girl like you still single? Does anyone else get this question?? I want to say.. if men would stop texting and have some follow through maybe I wouldn't be single. But I don't... I smile and shrug and say I don't know. BUT I DO KNOW.

The guy who gets my time... and maybe a chance at my heart.. will actually pick up the phone, call me, have an idea of something we can do for fun and maybe even call a few days later and let me know how great my company was. Oh the joy of the simple things.. Maybe someone will read this and step up his game. Or not.

In the meantime.. I will continue to shake my head, try and help these men out.. and respond to a few text messages when I feel kind enough..

DON'T SETTLE FOLKS! Mediocrity killed the cat. This RANT is for all the ladies dealing with foolishness and the men that do not even realize they are being FOOLISH.

Enjoy the following links. Definite Laughs.

http://madamenoire.com/category/askablackman/

(They need to invite me on ask a black woman.)

http://www.essence.com/2011/08/02/old-fashioned-dating-rules-that-still-apply/

http://www.essence.com/2011/04/08/10-underrated-men-and-why-you-should-date-them-paul-carrick-brunson/

Beware this is REALLY long.. I have so much to be thankful for. Lets see.. where should I start this story.

Lets start with the background... Where does my story REALLY start..??
I could start it with my grandparents(mom's side).. who met in Miami, fell in love and created a strong God centered family. Or I could start this story off with the fact that my mothers parent's although not college educated themselves made sure my mother valued education and raised a woman that knew the power of education. Few people know that my grandfather encouraged my grandmother to go after her dreams after my mom went to college. After getting her own kids to school my grandmother earned her degree and became an amazing educator.
My grandmother on my dad's is also a God fearing woman who lost her husband at an early age but continued to work hard to raise 3 children on her own. My father was able to study at Grambling University on a football scholarship. :) Thank you Grambling University! :)

Fast forward to 1986...
I was born in New Orleans Louisiana where a humble computer programmer and a special education teacher fell in love and started their family. 4 years later we welcomed the force that is better known as Brennen Buckner to the family. He was a joy ;)

My Journey in Education..
According to my dad, my mother visited over 20 preschools before picking a school for me. Can you say determined to get the best. My dad said my mother wouldn't let him go to sleep unless he read to my brother and I every night and before you knew it we wouldn't either. Needless to say my parents didn't mess around. Both my brother and myself attended a wonderful yet small Montessori school not too far from my mother's school. It was great. I still remember those kindergarten days. Learning their was hands on and self directed. We loved it. After kindergarten we entered a small Christian school again not too far from my mother's school. Made for easy.. "you better act right" lunch time visits. I loved Community Christian Academy. Other than being the only black kid in most of my classes and wondering why I never had a boyfriend :).. things were good. This small school went to 8th grade and the teachers were excellent. Fortunately my mother was aware and on top of things to know they didn't offer advanced math in 8th grade. She knew that without an advanced math class I would be behind in high school and opportunities limited.
Culture SHOCK
Seventh grade is where my private school journey ends. Private middle/high schools in Atlanta are more expensive then college. So I left my small private school where each class was no more than 30 students, we prayed everyday and I was a minority. I was now at my local public middle school for 8th grade. This was the biggest culture shock of my life. Everything was new. Everyone was black! What a shock. I had to ride a school bus. I was told my jcpenney outfits were not cool. oh and the profanity!... Quickly I learned the ways of the world. I purchased some air force ones and added some slang to blend in.
Things get interesting
Of course I went to a suburban majority (99.9%) black high school in Decatur,GA. I think I always knew that most teachers did not expect that much from us. If they did they only expected greatness from a few. I definitely knew my high school education was less than amazing when my younger brother went to the excellent public school uptown and was using the same vocabulary book I was. ** reminder we were 4 yrs apart. Most of my days in high school were spent trying to be cool, falling asleep in class but still making As, and staying up after basketball practice to do my work. Somehow at the end of the day I did well.

Thanks again to my mothers tenacity and aggressiveness. I took the SAT THREE TIMES! Once in 9th grade. I think I made a 900. The second time in Junior year: 1080. My mother was still not happy. We tried a few mom and pop SAT classes on our side of the time. We quickly realized this was not going to cut it. My parents paid 750 dollars for a high profile SAT prep class across town. Because of this financial opportunity I was able to finally score a 1280. Awww shoot! The doors were open now.
Carolina MAYBE??
Of course because sneakers rule the world. I knew Michael Jordan went to North Carolina. I had a teacher that went there. I asked her to write my letter of recommendation for her alma mater. Do you know this lady told me that UNC was a liberal arts school and required a high level of English proficiency skills. She was unsure if I had what it took. If I was #2 in my high school class... Are you telling me non of us were good enough for her school. Well then.. Needless to say I got into Carolina early admission without her letter of recommendation. Somehow after everything, I graduated from my high school which had an avg SAT score of 800 something and made it to UNC Chapel Hill.
COLLEGE.. WHAT A STRUGGLE
If there is any word to describe my college days.... it would be STRUGGLE. From day one. I did not know anything. I did not know how to study. I couldn't pay attention in a lecture. I had no idea what asking real questions was about. I was lost. My first semester I definitely earned a C in chemistry and math and it was not the end of my Cs. The struggle continued. I felt so inadequate. What worked at my high school did not even earn Bs in college. And the classes were SO big. My "favorite" college counselor told me to change my major and become a teacher. I called home crying and my mother said.. "Stop Crying. We didn't send you all the way out of state to be a teacher. You could've went to our georgia state school for that. I'm a teacher, your grandmother is a teacher. Its time for someone to branch out and try something different."
Delta??
Things did not get better grade wise until things totally hit the bottom. I decided to pledge a sorority early in my Sophomore year. For the rest of college it was always a battle trying to balance my dreams of becoming a doctor and my sorority. I continued to spend HOURS with my sorority and act surprised when my grades were horrible. The semester I was initiated I made 3 Cs on my report card. I was depressed and not too long after joining the sorority begin to resent it for the time it required of me away from my studies.
REALITY CHECK
I finally realized things were slipping from me. My mother once again during my Junior year stepped in. During my Christmas visit home she set a meeting with a gentleman from my church that worked in medical education. This was the turning point. In the midst of my tears we looked at my transcript and he told me it was not over for me. He said with hard work and prayer I can overcome the obstacles. He told me I could not make ANYMORE Cs, i HAD to get into the MED program, and MUST take an MCAT class. This time a 1700 dollar class. :0 I did exactly what Dr. Lee said. I cut off my sorority and sadly lost a lot of friends. I cut back on extra curricular activities, became spiritually grounded and for the first time in my life REALLY worked hard. The semester I took the mcat I gave up EVERYTHING. I knew that's what was required. It was a breakthrough.

Things begin to improve for me. I slowly started to learn a deeper level of critical thinking. I learned the hours that are really needed to know material. I begin to ask my teachers questions. I stopped caring when people complained I studied too much. I had purpose and I felt God's encouragement.
I gave that MCAT class my all. I studied everyday for hours. I made my schedule where I had classes two days a week and the other 5 days I studied mcat. All the time. The first practice test I took for the mcat.... I didn't finish it. I made a 3 on each section. I did not get discouraged. I think I always knew God was going to bless me. With the help of my heaven sent study partner Santita I made it through. I will forever be grateful to Santita. I do not think I would be here if it wasn't for her friendship during that time. We laughed together, cried together and most importantly studied together. My goal was a 30. I came up a little short with a 27.. but guess what! The story does not end there.

THE MED SUMMER ENRICHMENT PROGRAM
During this same time I applied to the MED PROGRAM. Few people know I was WAITLISTED for MED. I was crushed. I thought the MED program was my only and last chance to prove that I could be a dedicated student. I randomly ran into Mr. Keith while stalking the MED office to let me in the program. He told me to be patient and that I would get my spot. He knew that so many students with potential from Carolina had rough GPAs. Sure enough my prayers were answered. 2 weeks LATER!! I received an email. This was my chance. I knew it. I knew my life would be changed. I knew the history of the program. The MED program made doctors out of anybody who showed up and worked hard.

I LOVED THE MED PROGRAM. It really did change my life. It gave me confidence. No longer did I feel like the little black girl that didn't know how to study. I studied all the time. After class. Before Class. I came out the gate making 100s. I learned so much about education from the MED program. I begin to ask questions about America's education system as a whole. Why was I able to make a 27 on the mcat with a 2.7 GPA from carolina and students with 4.0s from other schools could not make a 20? Why were so many minority students like myself fighting to prove we could do the work? Why were our scores not as high as counterparts?? Why did standardized tests seem to be the gateway? Once you reach a certain a threshold... seems like you are in the clear..

Towards the end of MED I became a little burnt out and didn't finish as strong as I started. I also was a little distracted ;) dating... Many people knew if you finished in the top 20 of the MED program.. especially the top 10 you had a good chance of getting into the med school. Unfortunately I came up a little short. The program told me I finished 21 or 22. Once again I thought I had messed up my chance. But something told me not to give up. I knew that God has no boundaries.

MED SCHOOL APPS
Basically. I applied. Interviewed all over. I was told my MCAT was "good for a minority".. :/ I was accepted into one school and waitlisted for UNC. I was scheduled to start at my new school on July 5th. God had other plans. The second week of June Mr. Larry Keith called me and told me that I was in! UNC School of Medicine!!! I didn't know what to think. I told Mr. Keith.. I'm sorry but I'm already starting at another school. He was crushed and told me that he had never forgotten about me. He had been fighting for me the entire time and knew my time would come. I then called my mother and said.. "mom I got into unc but dont worry i told them Im already going to Morehouse." She said.."are you crazy!" I got to thinking. YES I AM! The rest is history. I went to UNC :)

MED SCHOOL (The FINAL CHAPTER)
I had no idea what I was getting myself into. The first day of medical school I called home crying. I felt like I got in by mistake. I felt unworthy and out of place. What I was lacking in life experiences I made up with compassion. Mr. Keith told me that I was meant to be there and to never forget that. I quickly got it together and when I scored above average on the first exam... I knew I would be alright. It did not get easier overnight. I definitely struggled with small groups and often felt that my classmates assumed I had no idea what I was talking about. Despite these challenges I set out to work hard and this time around when interviewing for residency I knew that I wouldn't let anyone tell me I was "good for a minority." I went from a student that was well below average to consistently doing well above average. This translated into both my step 1 and step 2 scores. Before step 1 I kept hearing the message...... If you did below avg on the mcat you will likely get below avg scores on your step 1 and step 2. By faith I was able to move forward and shed the weight of being a minority and my below average test score. For the first time I finally felt on the same page as my colleagues. My score for step 1 was well above the average! I knew I was worthy of all the opportunities that were ahead of me.
Personally and professionally I continued to thrive and grow. 3rd year and 4th year I continued to realize that I was meant to be here. I had a purpose and gifts in medicine. The ease that I felt caring for patients often surprised me. When I knew the answers to questions I would wonder where this information was coming from. My confidence in my skills and abilities grew by leaps and bounds during medical school. It was simply amazing to see God transform my life.

FINAL STORY:
I wrote this long novel to illustrate a few important points:
My parents are awesome.
There are systemic problems in our education system. Despite the tenacity of my mother and having parents that valued education I was significantly unprepared for college after finishing at the top of my high school class (#2). I started public school ahead but yet still fell behind and never acquired the skills needed for college.
Despite these obstacles I was LUCKY enough to still achieve my dreams. Yeah I may have worked hard but by all means my environment, financial well being, family, opportunities, and factors I could not control played a large role in my success.
I also know that my life is an example of how dreams are not always wrapped perfectly with a bow. I used to always say.. We are not defined by our numbers... gpas, mcat scores, number of degrees. When I was a 27 I thought I was below avg although I am now the same person just with above avg scores. It was not until I shed these numbers and feelings inferiority due to my race and educational background that I was able to achieve.
I am so blessed and lucky to begin a new journey in Medicine come July 1st. My road to medicine was SOOOO hard but I wouldn't change one moment. They have created the humble yet confident person that I am today.

He won't let go of us. God has my life in the center of His hands. I give Him all the glory on getting me to this point in my life. I am about to graduate medical school and embark on another journey. I hope someone reads this story and feels encourage that they can become a physician. My Match Day Theme Songs!